I really do believe that the wonderful things in our lives are gifts from above. The world is so full of bad it is easy to blame that on the heavens too, but in the end, humans are humans and by the grace of God we survive and even flourish in this life. I’m no theologian. I do not have it all figured out. I get frustrated with what I don’t understand and the feeling that life and God are too big to comprehend even if I devoted my life to it. Then, when it all becomes too much to bear, something beautiful happens that reminds me of the simple truth: I do not have to know everything. I am brought back to this verse in Micah 6 (sorry I don’t have the exact reference-I’m using the iPad Bible which for some reason doesn’t have reference points) which says, “…and what does The Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” Reading that verse floods me with peace and reassurance. It breaks down all of the overwhelming theology into something I can wrap my brain around. Yes, when I meditate on this I still feel the magnitude of what it means to do justice, to love kindness and to walk humbly with God…but thankfully, I CAN understand that this is for my entire life, and God knows I won’t do it perfectly all the time.
It is my constant goal to do things perfectly. I’m annoyed by the end products of my baking endeavors ALL the time (they never look Pinterest perfect), I hate making mistakes on paperwork at work (to the extent that I will triple check and stare at the same numbers for 10 minutes), and I almost always replay conversations in my head, wishing I had said something differently. I’m not a crazy perfectionist when it comes to cleaning house (I give up at a certain point because my organization skills need help). The biggest area of perfectionism in my life is FUTURE PLANNING. Let me tell you, this is a truly unfortunate area to seek perfection (according to plan). Not only are there way too many variables in daily living, there is also that little problem of everyone else in your world having their OWN plans, which inevitably intersect and affect your plans too. That’s life. Plans are really good things, but they get a bad rap. “Planners” like me get accused of being stiff and boring, unable to enjoy life. I’m sure there are really extreme people that fit that description, but I think most planners are just very driven and love to have a goal and reach it. Victory! So, I don’t think I have to try to live with reckless abandon, (come on, I am an oldest child, that was never going to happen), but it’s been more and more clear that God has better things in mind for me than I have for myself- I have to accept the gift of my plans not working out!
Sam and I have been given just this sort of gift- we are going to have a baby in July! We are so excited, and honestly, everything I just said might seem like a strange way to precede talking about having a baby, but stay with me. We have ALWAYS wanted babies! Children were always a part of the plan, they were just a little further along on the timeline. Not because we didn’t want them now, but because we were thinking about career goals and how people always say you should wait to have kids for a couple of years after you get married and so on and so forth. In my heart, I really wanted to start sooner than later. But my intellectual thought processes won over and thus, the plan to wait. I really struggled writing about this because it is personal, but I am so tired of negative people spinning everything into something…negative. The truth is that Sam and I are over the moon that we are having a honeymoon baby! (Come on, you know you did the math as soon as I Facebook announced, haha, who doesn’t?) We are so grateful that God graciously intervenes in our planning, that He calls life into this world in His time, not ours. I can’t believe how lucky I am that He cared enough to give me the desire of my heart, even when my brain was calling the shots. So, for everyone wondering if this baby was an accident, if it is too soon, if we are ready- NO, no, and yes! But honestly, it’s ok if you don’t agree. The most important thing about walking humbly with God is making His opinion more important than anyone else’s. In this case, I’ve got that down. 🙂